Friday, January 25, 2008

So I was in Boulder Colorado this week and…….

Froze my ass off!! The temperatures dipped to minus 10 with daytime highs near zero. To those who say, “Oh, but it was a “dry” cold, low humidity, so it wasn’t so bad.” Don’t believe it!

I was visiting one of my clients when he asked for my input on a rather delicate and unusual situation. Jim has a problem with prairie dogs. It appears the little pests are everywhere. They burrow holes all over the landscape and are very difficult to get rid of.

In other parts of the country, this would not be a problem. But this is Boulder and Boulder is one of the most progressive cities in the US aside from San Francisco. ( I guess we can’t say “liberal” any more). They have very strict rules about this sort of thing because prairie dogs are natural wildlife. I’m not criticizing Boulder’s progressive approach, many of their city ordinances enhance the natural environment and prevent damage by humans. But sometimes these ordinances go too far.

Jim has been to the City on many occasions in an effort to resolve this. He has proposed ultrasound equipment – rejected because that is considered cruel and painful to the little darlings’ eardrums. He has asked the City to remove them – no, they are not considered “harmful” wildlife. He has tried to drive them off – no good, they come right back. He has thought about a rifle – NO, and that’s a BIG no no.

He thought he had the ideal solution. Jim proposed constructing poles with cross members to allow natural predators like hawks and falcons to perch while they hunt the dogs. – no, this was not acceptable to the City because it gives an unfair advantage to the predators!

So the final solution involves renting a trailer. Jim and his staff will catch the little devils then store them in the trailer. The trailer must be approved by the City and is complete with cages, clean hay, heat, and plenty of daily food and water. A prairie dog spa! After the trailer is full of prairie dogs, Jim will escort them to a ferret reserve. There, they will be released where they will be hunted and eaten by ferrets.

Ferrets to the rescue!!

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Who are we?

While visiting the flying W ranch during our Colorado trip, the following was printed on the back of our tickets. It is part of an essay by Dean Alfange. Alfange was an American statesman born in 1899. I liked it enough to add it here.

"I do not choose to be a common man. It is my right to be uncommon. I seek opportunity to develop whatever talents God gave me-----not security. I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled by having the state look after me. I want to take the calculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed. I refuse to barter incentive for a dole. I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence; the thrill of fulfillment to the stale calm of utopia. I will not trade freedom for beneficience nor my dignity for a handout. I will never cower before any earthly master nor bend to any threat. It is my heritage to stand erect, proud and unafraid; to think and act for myself, to enjoy the benefit of my creations and to face the world boldly and say----'This, with God's help, I have done'. All this is what it means to be an American."

Jokes

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person five.
________________________
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school to
talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him for his name.

"Kenny." he replies

"And what is your question, Kenny?"

"I have three questions:

First --- whatever happened to your medical health care
plan?----Second - why would you run for President after your
husband shamed the office?----And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points
him out. "And what is your question?"
"I have two questions: First - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And Second - what happened to Kenny?"

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Some sad news. Over the weekend President Bush's dog, Spot, passed away. The family flew the dog back to Texas and he was buried at the ranch - right next to 10,000 Al Gore ballots.
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"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
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More Jokes

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin.
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring," he whispers, "I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. You juss ask... so... whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... Numbaa 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him.
Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks, "You want garlic chicken with steam vegtable?"

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So you're an adult, aren't you? Maybe not. Anyway, think you can outsmart a pre-schooler? Take the following test and find out. click on the link below:

Pre-School Test


_________________

Pay Attention
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor:

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said,

"The second most important quality is observation.


"I stuck in my middle finger and sucked my index finger."

"Now learn to pay attention.

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Boudreaux died and was on his way down to Hell. In anticipation, the Devil turned up the thermostat to make it extra warm for Boudreaux. When Boudreaux arrived, the Devil asked, "Hey Boudreaux, how do you like the heat down here?"

Boudreaux says, "Mais, it's just fine. It reminds me of Bayou PonPon in July."

That made the Devil mad. That night, he turned the thermostat up all the way it could go. Man it was hot! When Boudreaux woke up, the Devil asked him, "NOW how do you like it down here?"

Boudreaux says, "Mais, it's fine. It reminds me of August on Bayou Lafourche."

As you might expect, that made the Devil all the more mad. Well, that night, he turned the thermostat down all the way it could go! The whole place frosted over. Icicles started forming from the rafters. When Boudreaux woke up, the Devil asked him, "How you like it NOW, Boudreaux?"

Boudreaux, shivering, through blue lips, says, "Mais cher, I'm one happy Cajun!"

The Devil was infuriated! He yelled, "What do you mean you're one happy Cajun?!!!"

Boudreaux, still shivering says,"The Saints done won the Superbowl!!!"

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A religious man is on top of a roof during the Katrina flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, "No I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."

Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in God and God will give him a miracle.

With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in. Mumbling with the water in his mouth, the religious man again turns down the help for the faith of God.

So the man drowns. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, “I thought God would grant me a miracle, but he let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you two boats and a helicopter!"

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A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jackasses, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."
__
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A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I've been asked to go fishing with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a couple of days. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack my clothes and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! Lots of Specs, some Reds, and a few catfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box."

Abe Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln was a champion who never gave up. His perseverance is legendary. Lincoln was born dirt poor in a log cabin. His formal education consisted of perhaps 18 months of schooling from unofficial teachers. He was self-educated, studying every book he could borrow. He studied law books, took all the necessary tests, and became a lawyer without ever attending law school. Lincoln's road to the White House:

1816 His family was forced out of their home. He had to work to support them.

1831 Started a business but it failed.

1832 Ran for state legislature - lost.

1832 Lost his job – Applied to law school - rejected

1833 Started another business, it failed

1833 Became bankrupt.

1834 Ran for state legislature - won.

1835 Was engaged to be married, fiancée died.

1836 Had a nervous breakdown.

1838 Ran for Speaker of the State Legislature - defeated.

1840 Sought to become elector - defeated.

1842 Married Mary Todd Lincoln, had 4 sons. 3 out of 4 died before becoming adults

1843 Ran for Congress - lost.

1846 Ran for Congress again - won.

1848 Ran for re-election to Congress - lost.

1849 Sought to become land officer - rejected.

1854 Ran for Senate - lost.

1856 Sought the Vice-Presidential nomination – lost

1858 Ran for U.S. Senate again - lost.

1860 Elected president of the United States